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It’s so hard.

September 2, 2009

It’s nearly impossible not to take my editor’s eye with me when I leave the office. And I don’t just mean that I edit the signs in the metro or on billboards, reedit phrases in novels that are awkward, or even instant messages with my friends—I mean that I often look back at conversations, events, meetings, encounters, and even phases of my life and wish I had a red pen at my disposal. “Ugh, I should have said THAT instead.” “Man, if only I had known…” “I wish I could cross him out of my life entirely.” I know that everyone does this, but perhaps doesn’t think about it in terms of the editing symbols for ‘delete’ and ‘insert here’ that float around in my mind.

Now, to relate this M.O. to my dating life. Although I’ve been absent most of this summer, the weekends when I’ve stayed local have been filled with encounters I am sure most girls frequently have. On numerous occasions I’ve said or done something I wish I could take back in an effort to glean better results, and I will endeavor to describe those here for the common good.

“Dating is so hard.” I say this all the time even though I am not actually dating, but so many of my girlfriends are and have these incredibly ridiculous experiences that I chalk up to the limbo between college and grown-up land. We want to feign this maturity that has us going out to fancy dinners, drinks, concerts, and sophisticatedly casual dates, but some (most?) of us are still fratty at heart and making it up as we go. But dating is something else all together, something you can’t really think about doing until you meet someone.

Aw (ew?) look how happy!

Aw (ew?) look how happy!

Meeting someone. Ohhh that sweet motivation of everyone with a Bud Light bottle in his or hand or some hope in her heart. Some recent “meeting someone” experiences have led me to wonder what we are all doing wrong. It’s so much easier to have an encounter and learn what not to do, but maybe all those Don’ts will eventually lead me to some Dos, and then I’ll meet MFB who will become MFH and I’ll be happy forever.

1

Why is it so hard to meet someone here?

Right. I am NOT an expert, and some of these things will be obvious in coming posts. But as people around me get engaged at far more alarming rates, it makes me wonder how many years I will in fact be a swingin’ (or not so swingin’) single. So maybe I’d better start getting comfortable and can “think like a scientist” in an effort to gather data, make hypotheses, and garner results. (The power of positive thinking, at the very least.)

I will start with: Things Girls Do Wrong (myself especially):
1.    Stay in the house in bed eating reduced-fat Cheez-Its watching Encore Love.
2.    Hang out with all of your friends who are couples who want to sit around and talk and have no real motivation to troll around a crazy bar (like the photo above).
3.    Go to a bar, and hang out with all of your friends in a big, giant circle that is both unwelcoming and unapproachable.
4.    Find a cute boy and wait for him to read your ESP signals and come talk to you.

These are some basics, and I can point with some assuredness to multiple occasions in which these four conditions have definitively led me to NOT meet someone that may have been great. I’ll expand on those later, and in the meantime I’ll start working on the boys’ list. The boys’ list is a little anecdotal: It’s harder for me to generalize about boy behavior because (a) it baffles me and (b) I’m not even remotely qualified to do so. But I will anyway, don’t worry.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 2, 2009 7:12 pm

    Yeah… sometimes life, including dating(?), is so hard.
    But, for a cute girl like you, I don’t think so.
    I often divide the process of this life, in terms of success, into two kinds: (1) success being a single and (2) being a married.
    Just a personal opinion.
    I like the way you wrote: flowing… like a river.

    Wish you luck

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  1. Dating, cont. « life needs editing

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