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April 1, 2010
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I actually really hate April Fool’s Day. I’m gullible in life as it is, so days like today just make me question every news story I read. It’s like life turns into The Onion for a day, but what if some actually unbelievable news breaks? I walk around wondering who is crying wolf and who isn’t. It’s very conflicting for a person of my innocent nature.

I’m also terrible at thinking up April Fool’s jokes, pulling them off, and taking them lightly. I get really excited when you tell me you’re taking a job in Washington, DC, but then you text me that you’re kidding and that I’m dumb. I don’t like seeing stuffed spiders shoved into my closet of my freshman year dorm. I don’t like it when you tell me you’re pregnant or moving or you lost your job or you’re engaged. See, I’m really empathetic and I will totally feel emotions and then devastation. Don’t do it. It’s too much for me.

OK, let’s play a news true false quiz, or, Real or Fools?

“The USS Nicholas was attacked by pirates today in the Indian Ocean, the Navy says. The warship fired back, sank the skiff and captured the pirates and a mother ship.”

“No one saw this coming! Anna Paquin, who plays a telepathic vampire lover on HBO’s True Blood, has come out as bisexual.”

“David Beckham has been lured to coach Australia by a basket of fruit.”

Answers: True, true, fools.

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