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From doormat to dreamgirl

June 24, 2010

I told you guys I would be embarking on a single girl self-help journey this summer in my dating hiatus. My first book was actually a birthday gift: Why Men Love Bitches.


Welp, I took the “nice girl” quiz and I am apparently the nicest girl on the planet. I give unconditionally, I cook for men too soon (thus dealing out my best hands too early), and I’m always available. Are you free tonight? “YES I AM FREE WHENEVER ALL THE TIME 100% OPEN LET ME SEE YOU I LOVE YOU ALREADY HEHE.”

Apparently, instead of 5th date chicken, I should be making my men popcorn. This teaches them that they need to take me out to dinner. I should be completely unavailable and hold my own. This teaches them that I value myself and think I’m worth chasing. I should let their calls go to voicemail and not answer on ring 1. This makes them wonder where I am. Mystery, she says, is good.

The author states frequently that being a “bitch” isn’t being a bitch, per se; it’s about being a strong, independent woman who holds her own. Bitches are sweet, she says, sweet as a Georgia peach: But inside every peach is a strong pit. A pit that gets men to treat her with dignity and respect.

Most importantly, the main message in the first 50 pages is that I have to appeal to men’s desire to hunt and chase. The author insists that this is not playing games, it’s just understanding human nature.

Shit. I have a lot to learn.

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17 Comments leave one →
  1. June 24, 2010 7:42 am

    Oh, after reading your post, I think maybe I should read this book, too. Just one more book on the evergrowing list. Sigh.

    • Laura permalink*
      June 24, 2010 10:35 am

      I’m also going to read Men Are from Mars and Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I’ll keep you updated on my learnings.

  2. June 24, 2010 7:46 am

    Hilarious! I’ve read through this book too…and I too seem to be going about life all wrong, despite having a solid 6 month relationship with my current BF. But I mean, if it’s in print!…. 😉

  3. June 24, 2010 8:07 am

    This is fine advice if you’re Peggy Bundy and you want to end up with Al ….

  4. June 24, 2010 8:46 am

    FYI: Men may like to chase the bitches, but they rarely keep them once they’re caught. These are the women that men introduce to their bedrooms, not to their parents.

  5. June 24, 2010 8:58 am

    Nice people don’t finish last, they finish before the race even begins. :D.

  6. June 24, 2010 9:33 am

    I think the author has a point…nothing wrong with making a man wait a little to see how awesome you are. What fun is there in laying it all out there on date 1? I’m not a man but I know I get bored pretty quickly if I don’t have to work a little.

    Also, why would a man chase the “bitch” if he only wants to get her in the bedroom when he can get the nice girl there with much less effort?

  7. June 24, 2010 9:40 am

    man i hope that the marriage coach weighs in on this one.

  8. June 24, 2010 10:55 am

    It’s still playing games, but sometimes it’s necessary with certain men. It was frustrating to accept that when reading that book.

  9. June 24, 2010 12:22 pm

    It’s tricky playing hard to get–not too much less he give up cause you aren’t dropping any hints. Don’t give too many hints because you might be branded as clingy/emotional. Ah, the balance and the work you have to put in to find out where it balances.

    • June 24, 2010 2:26 pm

      For the love of Crete, it shouldn’t involve this much thought or conniving. Finding your inner strength and your independence is something you need to do to improve yourself. If you do that, men will notice it and be attracted to it.

      Remember this: The most attractive quality a woman can have is confidence. If you have confidence, you don’t have to worry about hints.

      Finding out what a man wants is only one side of this coin. What you want is more important. And what you want is a guy who is attracted to you, not to some archetypal, game-playing, hint-dropping, rule-following “bitch” that you’re pretending to be.

      And this is from a heterosexual male point of view.

      • Holly permalink
        June 25, 2010 9:43 pm

        I love this comment. Thank you, kind Sir.

  10. June 24, 2010 1:44 pm

    Haha: “YES I AM FREE WHENEVER ALL THE TIME 100% OPEN LET ME SEE YOU I LOVE YOU ALREADY HEHE.”
    I lol’d over this. at work. in my cube.

    true enough. though don’t go overboard and be toooo cold/bitchy, or you’ll scare the boys away! 😉

    • June 24, 2010 3:58 pm

      I agree with victoria. Don’t lose all the preciousness the world becaus of its twisted and warped socially standardized bs ways can’t smarten up and appreciate. But coming from a former hopeless romantic- yes, I know, you may’nt (yes I made my own contraction) believe it by reading what I write- but I was once a true sap of the moist syrupy kind… I have since, in order to be successful and lucky in love, luckier than I was before in my doormat status- had to harden up a bit- and I suggest you do the same- but do not lose the specialness that is you.

      I used this… http://www.thenewgood.wordpress.com, and it helped beleieve it or not…

      But if you’re a good person you won’t be able to stick to it completely- and this is a good thing- however much you can apply- it will help I gaurantee.

  11. June 24, 2010 5:11 pm

    Way too many girls give sex way too soon hoping that the guy will keep her. It clearly does not work. Men are biologically hard wired to pursue you, no pursuit no interest.

    I tell all of my female clients if you want to keep a man, with hold sex until you are in a committed monogamous relationship. You also need to let him know that the wait will be worth while, that you are not a cold prudish person, you just don’t give out sex promiscuously. You keep him interested by wearing lacy bras and panties and give him little peeks down a low cut blouse or up a short skirt when you get into the car. Kiss him passionately goodnight at the door but stop at that. You would not believe how many women vomit rage all over me for that suggestion, but I know what works with men and these women do not. Men are visual creatures and they love to see you in lacy frilly stuff with color. So ditch those plain jane white nylon panties with no lace or color and your virginal utilitarian bras. You will feel better about yourself and will feel prety and sexy. Consider buying unlined bras. It worked for Rachel Green on Friends and Cheryl on According to Jim. Jennifer Anniston still wears unlined bras.

    Men like honest communication, if you like him tell him and tell him why. Yes you should not give everything too soon. I would not bring him home for a home cooked meal because you have privacy and a bedroom and he will think that the meal is a go signal for sex. So have him take you out until he commits to a relationship and then bring him home for home cooked meal and the dessert in the bedroom.

    Once you have him in the bedroom, discard any inhibitions you have about sex. The last thing that you want him thinking is that a previous lover is better in bed than you. Vow to be the best in bed that he has ever had.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

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  1. Single girl reading list, book 2: Men are definitely from Mars « life needs edits

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